Monday, November 8, 2010
I'm feeling oh so small right now. You see, I've had one too many encounters with some great people. In an understatement, they are noble souls. My church is filled to the brim with real and kind and selfless humans. And I live in a household with a beautiful selfless couple too. There are also Christians outside of my church and family who are such a testimony to Christ. I've noticed a reiterating pattern in their behavior towards me. They all serve me. Me? Who am I to be served?! They never fail to serve me with genuine smiles and warm dispositions. I am encouraged by many of them. I do not know the meaning of loneliness. I am blessed. It is not a difficult endeavor for me to find somebody to talk to about my struggles; I know I can always find a ready ear. If I ask for prayer, they are so loyal to carry out prayers on my behalf to the Father. Showered with love, how could I not be content? The character of the people I know makes me feel humbled, joyful, and ashamed. All simultaneously. I'm humbled, because these great people are serving me. Ashamed, because really how often am I there for those close to me? And joyful...no explanation needed. This makes me want to obliterate and demolish all remnants of my selfish self. Why would I want to stay selfish when I receive so much love? How could I not want to give all of me? How could I not be brought to the cross through the goodness of these people? Surrender is always freeing. Surrendering self. I don't want to be the center of my world. I am disgusted and ashamed of my pride and selfishness. Get rid of all that stands in the way of my love for you Father. Crush it, I ask.