Sunday, November 21, 2010


Often, we are only happy when good things happen to us, but when our neighbor is rejoicing over something good that happened to them..deep inside we don't really care much. We're probably having a pity party because it is not happening to us. Most of us (myself first on that list) aren't even good at listening, we just desire our voice to be expressed and heard. There are numerous examples like these. Bottom line is, we are self-focused and ridiculous.
I'm tired of me. I don't want to pretend. I want it to be real. I want to love people with a genuine love. I want to care deeply, to really listen and try to understand them. I want to have a heart that cares for others. I want to find joy in helping others, have delight in their blessings, find happiness in the good things that happen to them, hurt for them when they have pain or trouble. You've probably noticed the reiteration with "I want". But the emphasis on want is supposed to be a sure indication, that I have yet to obtain these beautiful characteristics, and can only sigh in desperation knowing I lack them all. Surely acquiring these things will banish selfishness, evil motives, apathy, envy and all the other sins that bring misery. Wishful thinking and impossible come to mind when I think of ever becoming this person, especially knowing me..but with God all things are possible.

I want to learn real love.
But I am so selfish, help me.

I can only look to Jesus Christ's example and be in awe.


  1. This is so perfect and true! You are so good at writing and being so transparent, a quality that is one to admire and one I hope to achieve someday.

    I heard someone say once that no matter how hard we try, we can't get rid of evil motives unless we are replacing them with the opposite motive. Like replacing lies with speaking truth. I think you've hit that on the head and I really appreciate reading this. You are so encouraging.

  2. Mm, so good, Alla.
    I love that God wants all this for us more than we want it for ourselves.
    So He will help us and give us that supernatural, absolutely-impossible strength and empowerment to do these things. Especially since you give Him the glory!

  3. So true. It's only through Christ that we can learn to truly love others unconditionally.

    By the way, your writing is inspiring. Keep at it!

  4. my dear dearest allachka. god is truly doing some wonderful things in your big heart! it is so refreshing to see girls your age go through this! allachka, god will change you into who he wants you to become, and what your desiring, is what he is desiring for you. you are in tune with his word. just keep at it, be persistent, and the holy spirit will help through this. be encouraged, because you are already well on your way in this battle against self!!! i will be praying for you. =D
    <3 mk

  5. Aw Mary, thank you! What you wrote is beyond encouraging and so kind. I appreciate your prayers, I need all I can get :). I will be keeping you in mine as well.
    You are actually one of those people that I can look at and see such a deep love for people and such a disregard for self (in a good way). I love that. Thanks for your humble example.