Lingering dissatisfaction feels so, well, dissatisfying. No, I'm not contradicting myself. I realize my other post was about being content. This dissatisfaction is of a different type. Means I'm not okay with being okay. Am I puzzling you? Allow me to articulate my thoughts in a way that is understandable. I'm just not okay with squandering time anymore. I'm not okay with the ordinary. I'm not okay with easy-going anymore. I'm not okay with my non-serious perspective on certain things. Suppressing His voice, that is constantly tugging at my heart either encouraging me to do good or trying to refrain me from doing wrong, is an activity in my life that has been prolonged for too long. God has given me a conscience and convictions and a desire for time with Him. I cannot put a lid on those things anymore. To be oblivious of the deepest longings in my soul is to starve myself of something rich and wondrous, that nothing and nobody else can supply. I want to listen. Listen more to His voice, and not just listen, but obey. And most of the time it might mean obeying something, that nobody else thinks is worth obeying. There are internal things He is brewing, that I cannot explain. But I understand He is always at work, and never fails to open my eyes. Praise Him. I am constantly brought face to face with His goodness. Things are changing, and I pray my pace will too. This dissatisfaction does not seem good, but I know it is the start of something good...just like everything else He brings about.
If you can relate, it's nice to know I'm not the only one.
If I lost you in my train of thought, my apologies.